Getting Married in the Catholic Church: Part I

There is so much confusion on marriage issues, that I thought it wise to spend a little time explaining some of the practices. Generally if people know how it all works, they can navigate the process quite easily, and there isn’t much reason for drama (or trauma). So here is the basic idea.

A person who is a baptized Catholic must be married in a Catholic ceremony (or be granted special permission for an alternative ceremony) if the marriage is to be considered valid by the Church. Marriages between two non-Catholics are generally considered valid as long as the couple is legally married even if one of the parties later becomes Catholic.

For a Catholic to decide to get married outside the Church is a much more drastic step than most people realize. To get married outside the Church is to step out of communion with the Church. A Catholic who is married outside the Church may not receive Holy Communion or any other sacraments and may not serve as a godparent or Eucharistic Minister until the situation is corrected. The most common way of correcting the situation is very simple – just have a Catholic ceremony. This is generally referred to as a marriage "validation" or "having your marriage blessed." In most cases, it can be arranged quite easily.

Catholic weddings come in two types: a wedding within Mass or a wedding outside of Mass. Either is equally valid. We generally recommend a marriage within Mass when both parties are Catholic. A wedding outside of Mass is generally better when one party is non-Catholic. In a wedding within Mass, the Catholic party will receive Holy Communion while the non-Catholic party (and about half the congregation) will not. That seems to most people to be a needless source of division. In some cases, even when both parties are Catholic but many of the guests will be non-Catholic, the couple opts for a wedding outside of Mass. Just fine. No problem.

In preparation for the marriage, couples being married in any of the Boise parishes are required to take a set of marriage preparation classes and attend an Engaged Encounter Weekend. Parishes outside Boise often require one or the other but not both. In addition, each party must

• provide a copy of their baptism certificate (issued no more than six months before the wedding date for a Catholic),
• sit with a deacon or a priest and fill out the required "Prenuptial Investigation" forms,
• have a close relative or friend fill out a "Testimony of Freedom" form certifying that there is nothing that would prevent the person from entering a valid marriage
• if one of the parties isn’t Catholic, the Catholic party must sign the following promises: "I reaffirm my faith in Jesus Christ and, with God’s help, intend to continue living that faith in the Catholic Church. At the same time, I acknowledge the respect I owe to the conscience of my partner in the marriage. I promise to do all that I can to share that faith which I have received with our children by having them baptized and reared as Catholics."
• complete and review a pre-marriage attitude survey, either the FOCUS or the PMI which is designed to surface issues that the couple still needs to resolve.

Note that the issue of what faith the children will be raised in has already been decided if you marry in a Catholic ceremony. You agree that the children will be baptized and raised Catholic.

Since all of this takes time, we recommend that you get this process started at least four months before the proposed wedding date.

Enough for now. Next time I’ll talk a little about complications that sometimes arise.

The Best Campus Ministry

Hi. In June I attended a workshop at Notre Dame on “Visionary Campus Ministry.” One of our activities at the workshop was to examine in great detail the path that led the Catholic campus ministry at Texas A&M from obscurity to being maybe the best campus ministry in the country right now.

The beginning of that path seems to have been a time in 1993 when they completely changed their thinking. Rather than focusing on their tiny amount of resources and trying to do the best they could with what they had, they asked, “What kind of campus ministry would serve the Kingdom of God best on this campus, and what can we do to make this ministry into that ministry?” The assumption was that if they had the vision, the resources would appear (and they have).

I’d like for us to start asking the same question they did: “What kind of campus ministry would serve the kingdom of God best on our campus?” Of course, we start with prayer. We probably don’t know right off the bat what the very best campus ministry would look like, but God does. After a period of reflection and prayer, would you hit the “comments” button below and share your thoughts on what that perfect campus ministry would look like? As suggestions come in, I’ll post them on this blog. Maybe reading others’ suggestions will help you to put into words some even better ideas.

Thanks for God's wisdom shared through you.

Love,

Chuck

The Core of Matthew's Gospel Message

The Sunday readings for the middle of this summer have been from a special part of Matthew’s Gospel. As it turns out the whole Gospel of Matthew is organized around a core message, and the readings from three summer Sundays comprise that core.
At the center of Matthew’s Gospel is a set of parables that Jesus presents to his followers to teach them about the Kingdom of God. Remember that the Hebrew people had been looking forward to the Messiah who would bring to reality the Kingdom of God on earth for almost 2,000 years when Jesus was born. Many expected it to be a military kingdom. They expected the Messiah to raise a great army that would throw off the hated Roman occupiers and re-establish the Kingdom of Israel as a mighty world power.

Jesus needed to teach his followers that the reality of God’s kingdom was much different than that. That’s what these parables are about. Let’s review what Jesus has to say:
The first parable is about a sower planting seeds. Some seeds fall on good ground, but many do not. Many people God invites into the kingdom are so dried up and hard that the seeds of the kingdom can never even start to grow in them. Some accept the invitation with enthusiasm at first, but their soil is shallow. There is no staying power. The life that springs up in them withers and dies. But some people are persistent and let that life grow in them and yield a bountiful harvest.

The second parable is about a field planted with good seed, but weeds spring up among the valuable plants. Why doesn’t the farmer (God) pull up and destroy the weeds? Because the good crop could be harmed. In particular, some of us who are behaving like weeds may turn to God in time. The presence of weeds in the kingdom is not a sign of God’s weakness, nor does it mean that God is not ultimately just. The presence of evil in our world is a sign of God’s loving patience with us, giving us second and third and fourth chances to turn away from evil and become the good people we were meant to be when God planted the good seed.

The third and fourth parables come as a pair – one with special relevance for men, and one with special relevance for women. Men, who are the ones spending their days working out in the fields, know that a tiny mustard seed isn’t very impressive. But when you let it grow, it becomes a shrub big enough for birds to build their nests in. Women, who make bread for the family, know that the yeast that you put into a batch of bread doesn’t look like much, but it makes a huge difference. Without the yeast, the dough is just a lump. With the yeast, the dough rises and becomes beautiful, aromatic and tasty. The Kingdom of God is in this world, but won’t seem like much at this point unless you are wise enough to not be fooled by appearances. The Kingdom of God is at work. In the end, it will grow to dwarf everything else that appears important to the foolish.

The fifth and sixth parables also come as a pair. The Kingdom of God is like a treasure that someone finds buried in a field. The Kingdom of God is like a fabulous pearl that is worth selling everything you own to obtain. Once you understand what God is offering you as a follower of Jesus, as a citizen in God’s kingdom, you will put everything else aside. You will devote your life to what really matters and not be led astray by the silly or even evil things that the rest of the world may find valuable.

The seventh parable tells of a fishing net that has brought up a whole bunch of stuff from the ocean bottom. Some of the things are valuable, but many of them are not. The things that come up in the net must be sorted. The valuable things will be kept, but the other things will be tossed. Ultimately God’s judgment will prevail.

And finally, a word of wisdom. "[E]very scribe who has been instructed in the kingdom of heaven is like the head of a household who brings from his storeroom both the new and the old." In a way, the Kingdom of God has always been with us. Even the ancient people before God spoke to Moses, had a sense of good and bad, of truth and falseness. They sought God in whatever ways they were able to do so. There is much goodness in that. But Jesus has also brought something utterly new. A new relationship with God, a new way of relating to each other and a new way to think about ourselves. A new way of dealing with suffering and pain. A new meaning to life.

This teaching of Jesus is incredibly rich. I don’t have any idea how to sum it up adequately in just a few words, but Jesus telling us that the reality of God’s presence in our world is much different than most of us expect. It is easy to miss if we aren’t willing to pay attention. It is gentle and unassuming, yet it is ultimately the most powerful force in the history of our world. It provides us with great opportunity, but we choose some pretty scary outcomes if we refuse the invitation offered.