Getting Married in the Catholic Church: Part I

There is so much confusion on marriage issues, that I thought it wise to spend a little time explaining some of the practices. Generally if people know how it all works, they can navigate the process quite easily, and there isn’t much reason for drama (or trauma). So here is the basic idea.

A person who is a baptized Catholic must be married in a Catholic ceremony (or be granted special permission for an alternative ceremony) if the marriage is to be considered valid by the Church. Marriages between two non-Catholics are generally considered valid as long as the couple is legally married even if one of the parties later becomes Catholic.

For a Catholic to decide to get married outside the Church is a much more drastic step than most people realize. To get married outside the Church is to step out of communion with the Church. A Catholic who is married outside the Church may not receive Holy Communion or any other sacraments and may not serve as a godparent or Eucharistic Minister until the situation is corrected. The most common way of correcting the situation is very simple – just have a Catholic ceremony. This is generally referred to as a marriage "validation" or "having your marriage blessed." In most cases, it can be arranged quite easily.

Catholic weddings come in two types: a wedding within Mass or a wedding outside of Mass. Either is equally valid. We generally recommend a marriage within Mass when both parties are Catholic. A wedding outside of Mass is generally better when one party is non-Catholic. In a wedding within Mass, the Catholic party will receive Holy Communion while the non-Catholic party (and about half the congregation) will not. That seems to most people to be a needless source of division. In some cases, even when both parties are Catholic but many of the guests will be non-Catholic, the couple opts for a wedding outside of Mass. Just fine. No problem.

In preparation for the marriage, couples being married in any of the Boise parishes are required to take a set of marriage preparation classes and attend an Engaged Encounter Weekend. Parishes outside Boise often require one or the other but not both. In addition, each party must

• provide a copy of their baptism certificate (issued no more than six months before the wedding date for a Catholic),
• sit with a deacon or a priest and fill out the required "Prenuptial Investigation" forms,
• have a close relative or friend fill out a "Testimony of Freedom" form certifying that there is nothing that would prevent the person from entering a valid marriage
• if one of the parties isn’t Catholic, the Catholic party must sign the following promises: "I reaffirm my faith in Jesus Christ and, with God’s help, intend to continue living that faith in the Catholic Church. At the same time, I acknowledge the respect I owe to the conscience of my partner in the marriage. I promise to do all that I can to share that faith which I have received with our children by having them baptized and reared as Catholics."
• complete and review a pre-marriage attitude survey, either the FOCUS or the PMI which is designed to surface issues that the couple still needs to resolve.

Note that the issue of what faith the children will be raised in has already been decided if you marry in a Catholic ceremony. You agree that the children will be baptized and raised Catholic.

Since all of this takes time, we recommend that you get this process started at least four months before the proposed wedding date.

Enough for now. Next time I’ll talk a little about complications that sometimes arise.