Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Getting Married in the Catholic Church: Part II
In my last posting about marriage, I talked about how you make the arrangements. This time I want to talk about one of the complications that sometimes arises. Sometimes it turns out that one of the people who wants to get married is, at least in the eyes of the Catholic Church, already married! The Catholic Church has always figured that Jesus meant what he said in Matthew 19:9 and Mark 10:9-12. Once a person is validly married, there is no possibility of divorce and remarriage, period. The only way that a person who is validly married can marry again is if their spouse dies.
An annulment is granted when what appeared to be a valid marriage turns out not to be a valid marriage. An annulment is not a divorce. It is a recognition that the conditions necessary for a valid marriage were not present at the time the apparent marriage took place. A marriage might be ruled invalid on procedural grounds -- as it would be if a baptized Catholic marries outside the church. Or, a marriage might be ruled invalid because the consent might be defective -- as it would be if the parties involved didn't understand the commitment they were making or didn't make the commitment freely.
When a marriage is annulled, it does NOT mean that the people have engaged in some sort of sinful union or that their children are considered illegitimate. They are two people who made a mistake and who took the actions they took in good faith. Once an annulment has been granted, a person can do anything that an unmarried person can do. That might mean marrying. That might even mean becoming a priest or a nun.
If you are thinking about marriage, and the person you wish to marry has been married before (or you have been married before), please come to see me or someone else who can help you determine whether an annulment might be granted. Please don't even contemplate the separation from the Holy Eucharist and all the other sacraments that a marriage outside the church would entail.
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4 comments:
Dear Chuck,
You are naive regarding annulments, but you would not believe a person who has seen what happens over a person who is a priest or a canonist so I won't waste my time futher.
I believe you are well intentioned, just naive, like the vast majority of Catholics.
Hi. This is Chuck responding. Could you tell me more? I'd like to know what your experience is if you'd be willing to share.
Dear Chuck,
To start, I have formally defected from the Catholic Church due to my "experiences" but I view the Catholic Church as THE CHURCH, so am attacked from all sides, which makes my life interesting. Some find it madness, others are understanding, while not approving. What I have done is my own choice and a painful one.
Almost twenty years ago I was divorced by my wife. Since then and before our divorce, without a hearing of what I could've said(and what many others who knew us best would've said) the Catholic Church, through its clergy(everywhere she and her lover have lived) have given them full support for adultery, remarriage without nullity(The Rota ruled against nullity twice)and all the sins that go along with unjust divorce and its support. I lost everything because I refused to accept the authority of the civil court over our marriage, without a decision on its nullity.
After more than sixteen years of seeking help from the Church to address the injustices and to heal the valid, sacrament(as is SUPPOSED to be what is done) I gave up being ignored and left the Church.
That is the very abbreviated story.
I believe you would do well to obtain the book by Robert Vasoli regarding annulments and ignore those who are his detractors. I knew him personally. I knew him to be a very devout, intelligent, faithful Catholic. My experiences reflected what he wrote in his book.
If you want to correspond with me regarding this subject, let me know. I am not sure if you listed an email to write to you with. If you want to hear some others' experiences, sign into Bai Macfarlane's Yahoo defendingmarriage group.
I am not opposed to annulments. I believe how they are administered is seriously flawed and I hold that the Catholic Church pastoral practices encourage divorce, lying, adultery, remarriage without nullity.... even though the opposite is said in public and written about in public. They encourage the destruction of children and of spouses.
Thank you.
Hi. This is Chuck again. Thanks so much for responding. I should mention for other readers that the "Rota" refers to an office in the Vatican that operates something like a court of appeals in annulment cases.
I'm very sad that you've stopped attending Mass over this issue. This is still your church. Jesus is still present in the Eucharist. Nothing your wife does can take that away from you. Why would you take it away from yourself? Your absence certainly doesn't punish the clergy who may have misbehaved, and it brings a real loss on you.
I'll try to find time to visit the web site you recommend and read the other material you suggest.
Chuck
P.S. I don't mind having our conversation right here on the blog, but if you would like to correspond with me privately on this issue, but e-mail address is chuck@stpaulsboise.org
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